


The Sum of Our Parts

by gemjam



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:53:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemjam/pseuds/gemjam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Mark tried to ask Fernando to marry him, and one time he didn't have to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sum of Our Parts

Fernando needed a haircut. That probably shouldn’t have been the overriding thought in Mark’s head in the middle of sex, but the way it stuck up against the pillow, the way it fell into his eyes, it was inescapable really. He smiled, running a hand through it and pushing it back from his forehead. Fernando keened, pushing into his touch, his eyes still closed, and something about the intimacy of the moment, the familiarity, made Mark pause.

He could live forever in this moment, a claim that Mark couldn’t make often. Moments were things that were strung together to tell a story, stepping stones in the journey to success. He wasn’t sentimental and he didn’t dwell on single snapshots so much as use them to build the big picture, each monumental moment of his life made up of so many smaller instants. But here, in his bed, Fernando’s legs wrapped around his waist, he knew that this was monumental in itself, no matter how tiny it was. It had nothing to do with sex. The sex had been a by-product of something else for a long time.

Fernando opened his eyes, frowning at him, and it was only then that Mark realised his hips had stilled. “Why you stop?” Fernando asked, his voice rushed with need.

“Sorry,” Mark said. He licked his lips, looking down at Fernando. The words were on the tip of his tongue and it would be so simple to just let them slip off. Out loud he was sure they would sound silly though and so instead he pressed his lips to the creases in Fernando’s forehead.

Fernando reached up, looking confused as he ran his fingers over the hair at the nape of Mark’s neck, damp with sweat now. “Is okay?”

Mark nodded, smiling at him. “Very okay.”

He began to move again, Fernando taking a deep breath as the sensation rolled through him, and then his eyes slid closed again, his head arching back, and Mark wanted to do this with him forever.

*

Mark’s parents knew about them, supported them, loved Fernando because Mark loved him, but Fernando was still shy about coming over to Mark’s house when they were there. As a result, Mark hadn’t seen much of him during the summer break. He’d spent a couple of weekends in Spain with him, happy to have someone to watch the dogs, and one night in Maranello that had felt especially elicit because of the setting, but away from the racetrack they’d gotten used to living in each other’s pockets, or at least each other’s homes.

In Spa, Fernando came to dinner with Mark and his parents for Mark’s birthday, and they’d spent little enough time together over the break that it felt like a reunion. Fernando had been asking Mark for weeks what he wanted for his birthday but Mark had never given him a straight answer. He wasn’t big on presents and there was nothing he couldn’t get hold of himself if he really wanted it. But having dinner in the quiet corner of a restaurant, everything so easy and comfortable, everything seemed to slot into place. Family had always been the most important thing in Mark’s life and he wanted Fernando to be a part of his.

Back in his hotel room, laid out on the bed, sleepy and sated on good food, Mark turned to face Fernando, smiling softly at him. “I know what I want for my birthday.”

“Hmm?” Fernando enquired, moving closer to him. “And what is that?”

Mark reached out, touching the side of Fernando’s face before brushing their lips together. If he asked for this as a present, did that mean Fernando was trapped into saying yes? It was a stupid thought but it made him stumble just long enough to lose his confidence. Fernando will still looking at him expectantly and Mark knew he needed to say something.

“Blowjob?” he suggested, his voice sounding slightly lost.

Fernando smiled widely at him. “I think we can arrange this,” he agreed. “For the birthday boy.”

He kissed Mark again and then slid down his body, suddenly feeling incredibly far away from him.

*

Mark liked Spain. He liked the weather, liked siestas, liked the way the language rolled on Fernando’s tongue. They went for a bike ride, up into the mountains, and when Fernando came to a stop it took Mark a moment to realise why. He watched Fernando get off his bike, placing it down on the dusty ground by the side of the road before walking to the edge of the cliff. The view was absolutely breathtaking. Mark got off his own bike, letting it fall to the ground as he went to join Fernando.

“My kingdom,” Fernando stated grandly, waving an arm out over the lush greenness and tiny villages that looked almost like toy towns from all the way up here. He grinned at Mark like it was a joke but Mark could believe that Fernando was the king of all this, it fit. Mark wanted it to be his too. He wanted them to share it.

“Fernando,” he said, reaching out and brushing his fingers almost shyly against Fernando’s.

“Yes?” Fernando asked, looking up at him.

Mark returned his gaze, finding himself reflected back in the mirrored shades. He took them from Fernando’s face, finally able to meet his eyes, and once again the expectation he saw there made him freeze. He knew that Fernando was only waiting for the end of his sentence, but he still felt as though he were being studied and it made him feel small and not quite good enough. If he ever expressed that out loud to Fernando he’d probably laugh and then hug him so hard he wouldn’t be able to breathe, but he didn’t want to be that needy. It wasn’t him.

He turned back to the view with a sigh. “It’s really beautiful,” he said.

“I like to come up here and think,” Fernando agreed.

Mark looked at him again. If this was one of Fernando’s favourite spots, why was he only now sharing it with Mark? Maybe Mark wasn’t the only one who had started to feel this need to share more and more with each other. He opened his mouth to speak but Fernando took a breath, turning to face him.

“We should keep going,” he stated.

“Yeah,” Mark agreed. “Good idea, mate.”

He handed Fernando his sunglasses back, watching as his warm eyes were shielded away once more.

*

Mark found out that they made titanium engagement rings for men and it seemed pretty fitting. The design suited Fernando’s style and Mark could see it on his finger, imagining him walking through the paddock with the tiny diamond set subtly into the band glinting in the sunlight, a sign to everyone that he belonged to Mark. It was an archaic idea but, when it came to Fernando, Mark found that he wanted old fashioned. He wanted to do it right. This was never a road he’d seen himself going down but now he couldn’t imagine his life with Fernando leading him anywhere else.

He didn’t know what size ring Fernando would need though and couldn’t think of any way to find out without making it blatantly obvious what he was doing. He could show Fernando the picture, suggest they go to the jewellers together, but that wasn’t the proper way to do things. Maybe he could buy him a watch instead. Fernando got paid to wear a certain manufacturer though and Mark felt his heart sink that, on the outside, Fernando looked like he belonged more to them than to Mark. He was already branded in a way that would help his career; Mark adding his own brand could only possibly hurt things.

So Mark deleted his browser history and he pushed it from his mind. Grand romantic gestures simply didn’t suit him.

*

After the race in Brazil, Mark didn’t congratulate Sebastian and he didn’t commiserate Fernando. Instead, he rushed through his media obligations and went back to the hotel to pack his suitcase. He had a flight booked but nowhere he had to be. He was open to his plans changing according to Fernando’s needs.

Fernando returned much later, the small beep of the electronic lock announcing his arrival. Mark sat on the sofa, watching him enter the room. He looked exhausted, his posture slightly broken, and Mark wanted nothing more than to hug him. He didn’t move though, let Fernando set the rules.

Fernando came and sat by his side, offering him a tired smile. “I’m okay,” he said, clearly reading the concern on Mark’s face.

“You did everything you could,” Mark stated.

Fernando nodded. “That is why I am okay.” His smile faltered slightly and Mark wondered if it had truly sunk in yet; how much he’d lost and yet how far he’d succeeded. Mark cast his mind back to Abu Dhabi 2010, one moment in his life he never wanted to revisit, and yet hadn’t it taught him so much?

“There’s nothing I can say,” Mark said, speaking from experience.

“No,” Fernando agreed. “Nothing.”

And yet, maybe there was one thing. He knew that Fernando needed support right now, someone to be on his side, but Mark wanted to give him more than that. He wanted to _be_ Fernando’s side.

He looked down at Fernando, knowing he could make his eyes shine with something other than sadness, but did he want to tie the happiest memory of their lives to a moment like this? It would always be tinged with the sadness and regret that was doubtlessly clouding Fernando’s mind right now, no matter how happy the rest of their lives would be. That wasn’t the kind of thing the first step on a journey like this should be tainted by. He wanted it to be a moment all of its own.

“I need to pack,” Fernando stated, pushing himself to his feet with a heavy sigh.

Mark nodded. “I’ll see you before I go to Oz?”

Fernando smiled at him. “When I am in a better mood. We will have some fun before you leave me to be lonely.”

Mark smiled back at him. “Deal.”

*

Mark was glad Valentine’s Day fell between the test sessions. It meant that Mark could cook for Fernando at his house, listening to Fernando gripe about the cold weather when they took the dogs out for a walk. It was so domestic that Mark was tempted to kidnap Fernando and not let him go back to Spain.

They cuddled under a blanket on the sofa to get warm afterwards, the fire roaring away, the flickering light making everything feel even more intimate as their touches became less innocent and accidental and more focussed and intense. They’d put a film on but Mark was barely watching it, feeling sleepy in the warmth after the good food and bracing walk. Fernando shifted against him, humming happily, rubbing his cheek against Mark’s chest.

“When are we getting married?”

The words took Mark completely by surprise. He moved back, offering Fernando a quizzical look. Fernando looked sleepily up at him, seeming slightly disgruntled that his pillow wasn’t being as obedient as he’d like.

“We’re getting married?” Mark asked.

“Of course we are getting married,” Fernando replied. Mark let out a breath of surprised laughter, gaping at him. “You do not want to marry me?” Fernando asked.

“Yeah,” Mark replied, surprising himself with his honesty. His cheeks heated. “Is this a joke? Are you taking the piss out of me?”

“I do not think that would be very funny, Mark,” Fernando stated in a slightly condescending tone before settling himself against Mark’s chest again.

Mark stared at the top of his head for a moment and then relaxed against the sofa with a sigh, running his fingers absently through the strands of Fernando’s hair. This is what he’d been trying to work up to for so long and now that it was over he wasn’t sure he felt any different.

“Does this mean we’re engaged?” he asked.

“If you like,” Fernando said easily. “But that stage is not very exciting, I don’t think it means much, not when the commitment is already there like with us.”

Mark pursed his lips thoughtfully. “So we’re getting married?”

“Of course,” Fernando replied again.

Mark nodded. “Of course,” he echoed back at him, proving that once again the tiniest moments could be the most important in the patchwork of their lives.


End file.
